I wrote this blog a week ago and have just had some sort of block as of late… Enjoy
It’s so easy for some…
I had taken a time out from posting to be blog, maybe because I had felt so overwhelmed or maybe because I just felt like I was out of stuff to say. The second is more so the real reason.
There are things to talk about though… On Monday Joe reminded me that it had been 11 months since we learned that Jody’s condition was 100% fatal. From that day forward he was no longer looked at as viable, to most his life meant nothing. We were the opposite, we were no longer carrying our third child… we were working to get our little guy to the point we could meet him.
Here is the thing… We as a family miss Jody. Lately our kids have been a driving force in our heartbreak, they miss him TOO. Another mom I chat with (she is from Australia so I should call her a Mum!) said recently her daughter helps keep her Angel’s spirit alive in her house. Each day our children teach us something new, sometimes they help us heal… in this case their ability to express and ask questions make us humble. Joey recently asked, “When will Jody be done in Heaven?”
“He will always be in Heaven, Joey” we answered
“I want him to come home now” Joe said
“We all do love” I answered
It’s a simple request made by a 4 year-old who like us has more of an understanding of loss then he should.
As I had mentioned in a previous post we had a hard time getting into the spirit of Christmas this year. So there are a couple of things we did…
This year while putting up our tree I found a little hat we had purchased for Jody’s first Christmas. For years we have needed a new tree topper and have not found the perfect Angel for the top of our tree. So this year before the tree was ever put up I started searching for a boy angel tree topper. My search was fruitless, I could only find masculine Angel tree toppers… which as I am writing this might have worked.
After finding the hat and having a “Jody moment”, I composed myself walked into the house… crawled up the ladder and replaced our tired Angel with something far more fitting… Jody’s hat…
In looking for a boy angel tree topper… I found the perfect 1st Christmas ornament for Jody. I saw it and it made me smile, this is the way I believe our little guy spends his days in Heaven!
Leaving on Christmas Eve I had a sudden panic… I don’t want to go. Not to avoid family, though that is most peoples excuses at that time of year. But I had truly been missing Jody that day. Leaving with our coats on and hands full of everything. I looked at Joe with tears in my eyes and asked… “do you think it would be creepy if I took Jody?”
I can not recall his response but we left the house with Jody in tow to celebrated the holiday with all of the AZ family. Walking in again trying not to sound half deranged, I told Kathy (Joe’s mom) we had brought Jody along to celebrate, but if we could possibly keep this between all of us that were standing at the door.
Quickly we scouted around and looked for the safest place to put his urn… It was directly under the Christmas tree. Later Joe’s mom sent us pictures…