This month we marked more milestones, as a parent it is the moments you realize… “Wow, we could have this”
We have sped past Jody’s original due date (my brothers birthday) May 4th which was a difficult day. Its funny the way that we should handle certain milestone events, I have always said and you can read it throughout this blog Joe and I have moments of difficulty at different times. On the 4th we were pretty silent, knowing it was yet another Jody day.
Then you have Mother’s Day… last year was so difficult for me. It happened to fall right on Jody’s 1 month Angel~versery. I remember it pretty clearly in my mind, as the most difficult mothers day, this year was a little different though. I was in Philadelphia on Mother’s Day, which at first I thought “this is terrible”. In the past maybe I would not have been bothered by it, but Mother’s day is different to me. To my surprise working and spending hours in the freezing Philadelphia airport left me with few thoughts to spare. Which thinking about it later offered me a little bit of peace… I had the opportunity to talk to a nice woman at the airport about Jody. She and her 2 friend (assuming) were on their way to Sedona, then I happened along. She was a very sweet lady. We always say Jody is not far from our lips at all times.
Had I thought about it this morning I would have snapped a picture of Jody’s tree, we have enjoyed watching it grow and are surprised at the amount of new foliage on it. I guess, just like Jody… we had no real expectations but are amazed.
We have been told about how Jody has affected others lives and it is astonishing what he accomplished in 60 minutes. A few days before Jody’s birthday we got a call from one of the nurses at Gilbert Mercy, we have often said how blessed we were to have Nurse Jen and Nurse Pam take care of us. They were amazing, uplifting and honestly held us together through delivery and after. We were truly touched by who they were and still hold a special place for them in our hearts.
But at the hospital we were embraced by everyone, which was more then we could have asked for. So the part of this story I have gotten away from is the call a few days before Jody’s birthday, it was nurse Dana. I believe we have talked about her before in our posts, but Dana was not our nurse on April 11th. She became a shining light for us, she became more than a nurse to us that day!
I have probably procrastinated talking about this because by far what she did for us is beautiful, thoughtful and just quite frankly we could not have left the hospital that day without her. But by talking about what she did for us… well, it is my breaking moment. As of right now I have yet to explain it and even though I am not crying the tears are streaming.
Leaving the hospital was the most difficult day for us, through everything you mentally try to prepare yourself. We did an alright job with what we had at hand, I read books, blogs and all sorts of things from physiologist to parents who had lost children. We took some recommendations to heart then forged a path of our own in preparing ourselves and the kids for the arrival and the loss of Jody.
NOTHING talked about walking out of the hospital… this is not something we even gave much though to in all honestly, but to leave with everything except for the soul purpose you are there is unfathomable. Dana eased some of those concerns for us. But to be honest with you we were struggling, we couldn’t leave him! We really couldn’t leave. We asked Dana if she would hold Jody until his transportation arrived at the hospital to take him to his next destination. She made us a promise… maybe one she did not have to think twice about or something that I believe she would do for anyone. But she did promised to hold Jody until he was being transported. Her shift ended, yet she held him for many hours after she should have gone home. Because of this woman’s kind heart, we were able to go home.
During this act of kindness another nurse came into the room as she was leaving for the day and later went on to write a letter on behalf of Dana, she was recommending Dana for the DAISY Award. I went to their website and read about Pat the reason this Foundation was started, but the one thing I did not see was a mission statement. If I had to select one sentence from this site it would be this…
The DAISY Award For Extraordinary Nurses was created to recognize the super-human work nurses do every day all over the country.
Okay, I added a word or two, but really… honestly, it’s true.
This nurse that nominated Dana detailed her work since taking on the bereavement program, and talked about why she was nominating her for the DAISY award. I took only the paragraph about Jody, which though his name is not mentioned brought tears to our eyes… Here is what she said:
One evening on my way out the door after a long day, I noticed Dana sitting in an empty labor room alone rocking a tiny fetal demise infant. I stopped and asked her if she was alright. Dana told me the distraught parents were being discharged and could not imagine leaving their baby alone in a refrigerator awaiting the coroner. Dana promised them she would sit and hold the baby until the coroner arrived and that the baby would not be alone or in the refrigerator. The parents were discharged and left feeling so appreciative to know someone, a stranger, would do this for them. True to her word, there sat Dana in an empty dark labor room rocking their baby so tenderly with tears in her eyes waiting for the coroner. Dana ended up staying long after her shift had ended to keep her promise.
Of course we were not surprised to hear that Dana was selected to receive the award. Here is a picture of her receiving the DAISY award… I did have to steal it off the internet! She offered us a moment of peace during a difficult time. Maybe a little bit selfish, we know she was the winner of the award for a reason!
I have typed this through tears trying to come up with the right words, and really have put too much thought into avoiding the topic because in my heart leaving the hospital was the most difficult day for me. Joe and I have spoke of April 11 many times, I know that it was just as devastating for him as it was for me. But walking out I just wanted nothing more to throw myself on the ground.
Here is what I know; it is hard to believe that people celebrate a child whose life was so brief or possibly a child born sleeping. It amazes people when we say we light a candle when we know an angel in waiting is being born.
To each day work with families like ours takes a special person, with a huge heart. We know this is true…
I can recall receiving an email though our blog shortly after Jody was born, promising to talk to this woman who was waiting for her son to be born. I sat there with tears streaming down my face. Joe asked me then “Do you really think you can mentally handle this?” At that time I told him,
“It’s not the loss of their son that I am crying about, it’s about the pain they do not yet know they will go through.”
I will end this rather abrupt because I think it might just be easier. So peace be with and a HUGE congratulations to Nurse Dana!!!!
Just a few more pictures of the beautiful award Dana received…