With Jody’s 18month Angelversery approaching, many things have weighed on my mind. Joe and I both have been in sort of a funk, unmotivated and maybe even a little bit down. There is light at the end of the tunnel we know there is! I remember last October when we went to speak for a group of nurses the bereavement coordinator at the hospital told me 6 months you hit a slump.  I don’t know if I ever hit a slump or we just kept going with our days clouded by our new normal life.

Lately I do not know what it is, maybe being hormonal and pregnant is the answer. Jody is never far from our minds; I keep thinking and wondering what it would be like if Jody were here. I mean 18 months the little guy would be all over the place. Yesterday we came to the realization that after Jody we never went back to what our “normal” was. We were once very productive, active and just plain old out going! Not to say that we don’t still have our moments, but in the last 18 months I have got to tell you we have not kept up with the things that we should. See my statement of motivation or lack there of above.

It seems like slowly we are getting there, to a different normal. Possibly our turbulent life over the last 20 months is finally starting to sink in. I can say though that recently I have found inspiration. I have no clue what motivates me to search out blogs, or read another blog written by a mother or father that has suffered a loss. I honestly have to believe that as much as it hurts to read their story with tears streaming down my face, for moments I can feel like someone can relate. Somehow I happened across a blog titled Dear Stevie, letters written by a mother to her sweet precious daughter, another baby taken too soon. Through her loss she has written the most beautiful, touching, profound letters to her Angel Stevie.

In one of her letters she talks about in the 6 months she carried Stevie she had taken tons of pictures. Thankful she can look back at them and remember the time with her. Coming to grips with a loss is difficult, and Kirstin invited fellow bloggers (especially fellow baby lost mamas) to join her in project 365.

So I thought I might just cross my fingers and hope that I can keep up with the project. I started on September 28, 2010. Over the next 365 days I will take one picture a day to post. Who knows what it will be, but our lives have a ton of change ahead. I think I can do it! I have started a new page… Keep an eye on it and follow me. Project 365 link

Advertisements