Can you ever really be prepared for the hospital? I think the answer is simply stated as “No”! That could be because I am just being a pessimist today, but honestly I don’t think so. Sure I can pack a hospital bag for myself, Joe and LR. Get the house cleaned for guests that may stop over or I could go one step further and make meals to ease some of the burden Joe will have when we come home.
Honestly being prepared means something completely different to me this time around. Same as going in to deliver Jody was unique, this time is yet again different. It’s not your standard run of the mill delivery. I am sure you are wondering why… That is easy to answer with a few questions I have asked myself. And I will give you the perfect example.
When we are out and about, we love looking out and seeing the hospital, it’s so close to home that we drive by it often. The other day when we were out to run errands Joe made a startling statement. “Jody lived his whole life in there.” This is a realization or maybe better yet a rationalization that I had never dawned on me. Yes something that I KNOW… I guess I never wrapped my mind around it.
I have been watching all sorts of baby stories (sleep has been evasive lately) on late night TV and I keep laughing because these ladies are leaving the hospital with their little ones… and they are crying. I keep thinking “Seriously?!?” you have a healthy baby and you are CRYING!!! The other night I thought to myself “Holy smokes that is going to be ME!”
Really I remember with Joey a nurse took us down to the car, to ensure we had a car seat and that he was nestled in safely. We never got the curbside treatment with Jody. We left the hospital in tears, and only when we were almost to our car did a nurse run out and apologize while trying to offer assistance. Maybe because we were a mess, but we had a reason to cry our arms were empty.
I am rambling on and on about this… to simply state my problem. I am scared to walk into the hospital where Jody’s whole life was spent. I am so afraid of the emotions that go along with it. While I am laughed at because I have yet to pack a hospital bag or I seem unprepared. Mentally I am completely shut down. I think maybe this is normal for those who have suffered a loss. Then again maybe I am as nuts as Joe tells me I am.
So I guess as of today, I am going to take the jelly out of my legs and walk a little stronger (or waddle in my case). Because no matter the fear of walking into L&D we know that we will muster up the courage to deal with all the emotions of being there again. Our celebration will be different.
Holy crap are girls in their tweens difficult or what?!?! We spent our afternoon looking for costumes for Jennifer, which is kind of a joke. Needless to say we were spent by the time dinner came rolling around! She is so picky, however we did have some fun. I posted this in my pictures of the day yesterday but oh my! Jennifer had requested to go to Savers to look for costumes (thank you commercials!) so off we went followed by Spirit and Party City. But the best costume was at Savers! Of course she wanted to be something cutesy so it would not work, Joe and she had a good laugh before finding Joey and I. Where we too had quite the laugh! In hindsight maybe we should have bought the costume just for the funny side of it!!! Here are a few pictures of our day!
OK, Carla just checked out and I’m checking in. Tag, I’m it! I wrote a blog entry shortly before Jody was born talking about how we weren’t ready for “That day”. I would like to think that we are ready for “This day”, for Little Rascal’s day. We are excited, NERVOUS, excited, scared, NERVOUS, really the whole gamut of emotions. Both Carla & I have expressed a desire to Dr. Adam’s to have birthing room 321. That is the exact room that Jody lived his life. We think it would be wonderful to have LR join us in the room that has some incredible history for us. We haven’t been to the Labor and Delivery since we walkout of the hospital on April 11th 2009.
I have been telling Carla, “This is the quite before the storm”. In doing so I have been alluding to the fact that as of now Carla is currently the babysitter, the feeder, the bed, everything to LR. There is no crying, well maybe a little from Carla, but none yet from LR. So this really is the quite before the storm. Now I don’t want anyone to really think that bringing Little Rascal home from the hospital is really a storm. By the contrary, it’s one of the biggest days in our lives. We are really down to a few days, a week and change max till we meet her. On the day we walk into the hospital we will be collectively holding our breath. That being said, we can’t wait to announce her arrival, share her name (because Little Rascal is only a nickname you know!) and her pictures!