Well clearly I failed my 30-day challenge! But really, I just have to hop back and post the days that I do have in my trusty document folder!
We have documented our Grief Journey here, at times it was easy others it was so difficult. In the beginning tears flowed through each and every post. While the content is a little lighter I still go back to that place sometimes to review the posts that are of Jody.
I have been following a blog for the last several months, a mother just like myself documenting each appointment after receiving an adverse diagnosis. In following and chatting with her through Facebook, I came to learn she had HOPE… for her son.
Yesterday he was born, I anxiously waited for news. Yesterday morning at 6:30 am I was laying in bed watching the clock, asking God to please give this sweet woman and her husband a lifetime with their son. As I went downstairs I lit a candle, one that I will light again today. The thought that I had was our positive energy would be sent to her and “Sticky Bean”.
Joey came down when he woke up and said “Hey what’s that candle for?” I explained that “Sticky Bean” should be born right now, and that he was a lot like Jody. His kidneys did not work. Joey asked “Should we pray for him?”
So Joey and I sat on the couch holding hands saying a prayer for “Sticky Bean”, his Mommy and his Daddy. In Joey’s prayer he told Jody to watch over “that Baby” and make sure he would be okay.
I cannot tell you how many times I refreshed her blog, went to her facebook page… All right it was a lot! But this morning she stated that her sweet precious son Rex has joined the rank of Angels…
As I sat there reading her post I was just filled with anger. Over the fact that this family had to say goodbye. Why it hit me this way I am not sure, one would think that after two years of mentoring families it would get easier to hear the news. But honestly, it doesn’t.
On my drive into the office, my thoughts trailed to this family. A person’s grief journey is independent. There are no rules; there is no getting over loss. You make up your own rules and you cope through the muddy world you previously knew. Things don’t go back to the way they were before.
I am at a loss as to how to close this post; honestly I could have some witty comments or advice. There is none… When we know so many families who have suffered the loss of an infant, it is difficult to have a perspective on everything.