(Written October 20, 2011)
Wow… Well my previous post talked about how overwhelmed I was. And while I am still overwhelmed we have two of our biggest things under our belt. But also after quite some time of being ill I am on my way to being better.
So my question is… where to start?
Over the last two months I have been so very ill… just three weeks ago I had my tonsils out and am feeling much better today!
After getting my tonsils out I believe if I had known how bad this would be I would have never done it. But am so glad I did, honestly after my list visit to the hospital and my previous blood draw (where I thought they would drain me dry!) I feared something was truly wrong. Joe and I looked at each other with total fear as the I asked the lady doing the draw why it was so extensive… She said “they are preparing incase you need a blood match for a transfusion.”
Wow… take those puppies out!
(Written October 27, 2011)
The majority of this post was written on October 20th… Before the wheels fell off!!! Figuratively not literally! On the day of Jody’s walk in the Annual PKD walk I started feeling ill. While it was not going to stop me from walking it did impact our start of the day and the remainder of the week. Throughout the week it had progressively gotten worse, but I never would have believed that it was as bad as it was.
So I spent 5 days in the hospital, trying to mend and really start the road to feeling better. This time I am serious!
Gilbert Mercy… (Written October 20, 2011)
We had talked about it a couple posts ago… but we were invited to speak at Gilbert Mercy in their remembrance ceremony. We jumped at the chance! The hospital celebrated October 15th on Friday the 14th which is my birthday… I got to do something AMAZING! Stand behind the podium and cry!
You think I am kidding?!?! Well, I’m not! Right after we were asked I wrote my “Speech”, I read and re-read that thing with the thought by the time I get there, emotions would no longer exist. I thought I could train myself to believe these were just word on paper!
The floodgates opened as soon as Nurse Dana turned around… Here is the thing though… Joe and I have always said we compliment each other so well when it comes to Jody. You never know when that moment will hit! But throughout the last two and a half years when one of us was weak, the other was strong.
I wish I could have sat in the audience and listened to Joe as he read my words and his! He was fabulous… as he concluded I asked him “where did you find your strength?” his response “I don’t know!”
I was so proud of him and how he delivered our message… Myself somewhat embarrassed. It does hold true that the loss of a child is something you just don’t “get over”. It’s not something that in time your emotions dwindle. The anger, resentment and the questions do take a back burner, but loss never leaves.
During one of the planning meetings Dana talked about a candle similar to that of a unity candle that would be used during the ceremony. Joe and I offered to purchase a candle that could be used year after year, we felt when this ceremony takes place silently the candle would sit and through that evening in the simplest way Jody’s fire could continue to burn.
Here are a few pictures..
Last year we made a conscious decision not to participate in the Annual PKD Walk. Julianna was born just a few weeks later and things were a little too tense to really concentrate on the walk.
This year Team Jody showed up! And again there was the sea of baby blue shirts! We were so thankful to participate! We felt so good as we walked with our friends and family. We even had some last minute additions!
Joined by old friends whom we have lost touch with, friends and of course our loving we felt surrounded with love.
Now I have to point a few facts out… Just because Joe is always so proud! Team Jody was #1 in the state for fundraising and we appeared to be the largest team of walkers! Toot Toot!!!
Here is something even better… PKD the dominant form is rampant in families; Jody’s condition being recessive is not as common, it’s 1 in 40,000. Since Jody there have been three families in the Phoenix area that I know of who are affected by ARPKD. The strange thing is all of these people are facebook friends… one of them lives within walking distance of our house. On Sunday we met face-to-face.
Nurse Pam (we have talked about her before) told me recently that BLM (babyloss Mommas) are as thick as thieves. Now she did not use that analogy exactly I am really summing it up. She did say that there is no connection that compares to that of two mothers who have lost children. There is an unspoken understanding and a softness that is instantaneous among them. Alright, not her exact words… (Pam correct me if I misspoken in anyway!).
Look forward to our next post… it will be a tutorial on how to make a fall wreath!