You would be 6 years old today! Can you believe that, it’s been 6 years since I got to smell that beautiful scent on your hair and to touch those soft little feet.

I can remember specific things about the day you were with me … it’s the things that have been missed or left behind in my memories that wear on me. I keep thinking I should remember EVERYTHING. Each moment… nothing should be lost. That accounts for so much… Memories, you…

This would have been a BIG year for you! You would have started Kindergarten. On the first day of school as I walked Joey to his class I looked at those little kids with their parents and questioned if they knew what they had. I was missing celebrating your next step in life. I was missing you.

It’s the 4th year I’ve missed your birthday. As I sit here writing there is a sea of people. All gathered talking… No one realizing what today is, what today means or that the smile on my face is just there for their benefit.

Jody, every piece of me screaming wishing you were here… Each year things change so much. We grow… there’s the ebb and flow of regular life. People come in and people leave. But the constant is always your family… Brothers, sisters, mom and dad…. It’s the knowledge that you’re supposed to be my constant that gets to me. When I lay down with Julianna I wonder what you would have been like. I see her and think that life could be so different if you were still here.

So today… as I close my eyes I will not fight back tears. I will invite you to celebrate with me. Because I know you are here as I celebrate quietly.

Happy Birthday sweet boy… I hope your heavenly family is making you a pancake breakfast and celebrating how special you are.

I love your forever, your always in my heart and your never far from my thoughts.

Mommy

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